I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
