So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
