I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
