btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You've changed since you got that strap on
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
