when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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