yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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