I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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