What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
