So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
