i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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