we're chasing vodka with high fives
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
