I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
