singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
