I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
