i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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