I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
