Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
