Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
