Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
