I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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