Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
