dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
