I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
