Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
