We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
