Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
