There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
