i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
