I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
