I cockslap morals
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I party with great urgency now.
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