You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
