He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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