can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
