I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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