Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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