My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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