So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
