Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Randomize
