yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
false alarm. still invincible.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
That was an excessively violent trivia night
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
