apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i think i have two assholes
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
