She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
