He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
