I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
