A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
