Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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