I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
