Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
