Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
