..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
