Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
