you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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