My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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